Bowling and Friendships

Yesterday we went ten pin bowling with the Hackney home ed group. We haven't been going all that long and it seems that most of the children are either much older or much younger so, without her best friend who no longer goes, Hannah is finding it a little difficult to find her feet there. I thought an activity I know she enjoys would be a good way to break some ice. She still needed a little help though, to make the first approach to a little girl who looked to be similar in age. It reminded me of when she was at school and had had the confidence to bounce up to new people and ask to play knocked out of her.

I don't remember ever being taught these skills myself but I do remember having them...maybe back in the days when children just played out we were more used to encountering strange children and making our own introductions? I have always tried to give Hannah suggestions for how to do this from when she was tiny, eg "hello, my name's Hannah, what's your name?" and so often this is all that is required. She can talk enough for twenty, but asks questions to involve other people so once contact is made, I have never been too worried on that score. However, I am beginning to wonder whether there isn't something in the age issue here. She is almost 8 and although she is friendly with most people and does a good line in polite small talk with people she does not really connect with, it is becoming noticable that she is moving into a stage where proximity is not enough to form a friendship. She has a rather temptestuous friendship with her best friend L and they squabble like siblings, sometimes with real power struggles going on, but they really *talk* to each other. Although they also dress up and chase each other shrieking like banshees and play on the DS together and make believe...they have the kind of conversation that you might expect of much older children or even adults, about how they feel about life, the universe and everything. There is also her growing attachment to her friend A where they have many common interests and a very mutual affection for each other.

So I wonder whether her social struggle at the Hackney group is just that, as yet, she hasn't found anyone she can connect with on that level. Not sure though how much it matters though as long as she is enjoying the activities and can chat to anyone and everyone.